A colleague asked me the question, Who would win in a fist fight, Nicol Bolas or [former coworker] RS?
I’ve shortened the coworker’s name to initials for privacy and clarity reasons. I did not think about the answer before writing this blog post, so I will, in the course of writing, investigate the relative physical abilities of these two individuals, and then I will compare them and come to a conclusion.
Nicol Bolas
Nicol Bolas is a 25,000-year-old elder dragon and former planeswalker from Dominaria. Bolas got his start in the Dragon-killers’ War, where he deceived human dragon hunters into fighting amongst each other. His cunning led to the dissolution of a human kingdom, and his ascension to dragonlord over that nation. He leveraged his army and his Machiavellian charm to foment the Elder Dragon War, a civil war between dragon clans and their non-draconic forces. He was initially routed by Vaevictis Asmadi and his siblings, but Bolas manipulated other elder dragons, such as Arcades Sabboth, into raising their own war bands and attacking each other. It was in a final confrontation with Sabboth that Bolas’s planeswalker spark awakened.
An indeterminate amount of time later, Bolas killed his planeswalking brother, Ugin, on the Meditation Plane. This is where Bolas got the iconic spirit gem that floats between his horns. He made the rookie move of turning his back on the body, however; Ugin returned to life some time later and fled to Tarkir. Ugin worked with the sphinx planeswalker Azor to trap Bolas on Ixalan, but Bolas caught wind of the plot before the duo could enact it. Bolas again killed Ugin, but once again his act of immense violence fell short of his aim. Ugin, still holding a planeswalker spark, communed with the Tarkiri Sarkhan Vol across time. Vol traveled into the past of Tarkir, to the moment after Bolas’s victory, and transferred Ugin’s soul into a hedron system, similar to the one Ugin has previously used to trap the eldrazi on Zendikar.
It is important that I pause here to examine Bolas’s early record of violence. He did not fight during the Dragon-killers’ War; his first major engagement of the Elder Dragon War ended in defeat; he failed to kill Sabboth, partly due to Ugin’s intervention; and he failed to permanently kill his brother twice. To quote a Japanese philosopher, People die when they are killed,
and yet he can’t kill Ugin enough to keep the guy dead. This review of Bolas has not yet reached the War of the Spark, which represents Bolas at the peak of his power. So far, as an elder dragon and a planeswalker, Bolas exhibits High 8-C tier combat power. His schemes and intellect have carried him through his major conflicts so far; he engineered or directed the wars on Dominaria, and he outsmarted a sphinx and fellow elder dragon to evade their trap and foil their plot. Bolas’ abilities to plan and improvise are his strength at this point in his story, placing him at a Genius or Extraordinary Genius level. He can’t rank much higher, though, because he failed to account for Ugin’s multiple resurrections. Let’s not kid around: when Bolas discovered that he would need to kill Ugin a second time, he should have planned a much more permanent slaying.
Things continue to look grim for Bolas at this time. After killing Ugin again, Bolas returned to Dominaria where he declared himself God-Emperor of Madara. After 400 years, his champion Tetsuo Umezawa killed him in a really complicated metaphysical plot that involved trapping Bolas in a duel on the Meditation Plane while simultaneously destroying Bolas’s body on Dominaria. The end result was the death of Nicol Bolas. Come on, man. You can’t fail to kill your brother dead twice and then get played by a Kamigawan-Dominarian who doesn’t even have a spark. Bolas did eventually return to life via the time rifts present on Dominaria at the time. His soul gained enough energy to manifest, and he pulled a copy of himself through a time rift to inhabit. Reborn, he nearly killed Teferi but allowed the planeswalker to live. Later he imprisoned Leshrac in a cursed mask and sacrificed the planeswalker to close the Madaran time rift. Following this, the Great Mending reduced his planeswalker powers. The Mending is an odd turning point for the elder dragon, since much of his success lies in his wit, and little of it can be directly attributed to his magical powers. He did seriously mutilate and torture Teferi, which probably involved some magic, but not that of a pre-Mending planeswalker, like Urza. The Mending weakened many planeswalkers, but Bolas only seems to get stronger from here.
His time in Amonkhet appears to be a mild retcon of his relative ability prior to the Great Mending. Some time before the Mending, Bolas subjugated the gods and mortals of Amonkhet through magic, might, and manipulation. Part of his attack on the plane was killing all Amonkheti adults with a mass death spell. It is not clear in the narrative if this assault on Amonkhet is what led to Naktamun being the only city on the plane, or if effectively Bolas only killed the adults in Naktamun by virtue of it being the only permanent settlement on the plane. If the former is the case, then Bolas’s destructive power appears to be High 6-A tier; if the latter is the case, then he is 7-B tier. In either case, his campaign on Amonkhet is much more lethal and much more powerful than his previous violent confrontations. It could be that Bolas is better as a long-term conflict strategist than as a fast-paced aggressor. His performances in wars and sieges improve the longer the conflicts run. When he can kill humans or equivalent mortals his abilities impress much more than when he is pitted against beings of similar power levels. Additionally, he hijacked the plane’s religious order to raise an undead army for future use. We see on Amonkhet a Nicol Bolas who is thinking ahead, engaging in strategic attacks and secret deals, and genociding a people to make them subservient.
Bolas’s next steps involved the manipulation of Alaran nations to sow discord and bring them to war, which would agitate the leylines of the plane and begin the Conflux. The reunion of the shards would in turn generate enough raw mana that Bolas could regain much of the power he lost in the Mending. He then established the conditions for the eldrazi to escape their hedron prisons and destroy Zendikar. He cultivated his mummified army on Amonkhet and challenged the Gatewatch, the heroes who had saved Zendikar from the eldrazi. Besting the planeswalkers, he dispatched his subordinates to various planes to enact his final plan: trapping a small army of planeswalkers on Ravnica and siphoning their sparks. Bolas subverted five of the ten Ravnican guilds, invaded the plane with his army of undead, and killed Niv-Mizzet. The planeswalker coalition was trapped on the plane by the same device Ugin and Azor attempted to deploy on Ixalan, which Bolas had stolen. And then Ugin ruined it all for his brother.
Ugin is fundamental to understanding Nicol Bolas’s rise and fall as the Machiavellian supervillain of the multiverse. Ugin acts as a deus ex machina to foil Bolas’s plans, often completely outside of the elder dragon’s perception. Ugin dies twice, but never permanently. Ugin can tap into Bolas’s spirit gem to spy on his brother without being sensed. Ugin preemptively sets up a contingency plan to revive Niv-Mizzet should the latter die in battle against Nicol Bolas. Then Ugin gave the resurrected Niv-Mizzet a spear that could pierce Nicol Bolas’s protective wards, since Bolas made it for one of the mind-controlled Amonkheti gods out of his own essence. Ugin had the entire plot compromised from the very beginning--he was working with Sarkhan Vol while the planeswalker was working for Nicol Bolas! Ugin has been one step ahead of his brother at every point. Both brothers showcase a Supergenius-level intellect, but Ugin is effectively Nigh-Omniscient versus Bolas. It doesn’t matter all that much how physically or magically strong Nicol Bolas is if his brother is constantly undermining his plans and strategies. Ugin gives Bolas no room to maneuver. Bolas can’t adjust to Ugin’s plans since he doesn’t know what they are. He has to continue with his grand scheme when it is already doomed to failure.
Which is how the War of the Spark ends for the elder dragon. Nicol Bolas’s planeswalker lieutenants turn on him; the Amonkheti gods attack him; and the New Living Guildpact runs him through with the spear he made for Hazoret. In this grand assault, the elder dragon loses his spark, and with it his planeswalker powers. He does not die, though. Ugin intervenes to save him from destruction. All present believe him to be dead. Ugin imprisons his brother on the Meditation Plane, sparkless and bereft of the faith so many had in him. His aspirations of godhood end.
At the end of Nicol Bolas’s story, the elder dragon is rendered mortal. He likely still has the physical ability of an elder dragon, but, as described before, that is about High 8-C tier or lower. His durability is about the same, and with his apparent death he is no longer able to materialize or appear in spirit form outside of the Meditation Plane. When compared to an early opponent, Arcades-Sabboth, Nicol Bolas is weak enough now that a contemporary planeswalker could kill him. It is safe to assume that he is presently weaker than Sabboth was when he died at the hands of the pre-Mending planeswalker Kristina. There is no basis to assume that Bolas’s intellect has reduced. Ugin has trapped him in a situation from which he cannot escape, but that does not imply that he is less smart. His intellect is still at the Supergenius level, but he has no use for it. When I analyze the fist fight later, all of these factors will be taken into account.
RS, the Coworker
Are you fucking joking? I rehashed the whole fucking life history of Nicol Bolas; I’m not going to go point by point on the strengths and abilities of a former coworker!
RS has the physical ability of about 10-A tier, being able to lift and move heavy stuff. She could also probably kick a regular person’s ass, so in a direct fight I could see her performing at a 9-C level. Her durability is a toss up, as she often had one repeated injury, but she was able to work through it regularly. I would rank her at a 10-A or 10-B for durability. Her intellect sits at an Average or Above Average level, as she had specialized knowledge of logistics; her ability to lead, however, was sometimes lacking. Her speed was that of an average human, particularly when injured. All of her abilities increased at least one rank when dealing with her nemesis, VC (again, privacy and clarity).
The Fist Fight
I could analyze a potential fight from many angles. I will present two possible outcomes: a full power fight, and a current power fight.
In the full power fight, Nicol Bolas is at his pre-Mending Amonkhet level. This is the most individually powerful he has been in his story, with an inferred power level of up to High 6-A. He has employed VC to undermine RS in the upcoming fight; this is, however, a mistake. RS is entering the fight at a 9-C level of combat effectiveness, elevated to 9-B by the presence of VC. She is uninjured, so her durability is ranked 10-A. The fight is not related to logistics, so she does not get the intellect boost from her subject matter expertise. As this is a fist fight, Bolas is not allowed to use magic; his effective combat ability drops to at least High 8-C with this limitation. He tore Teferi apart in Madara post-resurrection, so his physical attacks are still lethal. RS’s physical attacks are likely also lethal, but primarily against VC. It’s easy to imagine here a clear victory for Nicol Bolas.
In the current power fight, Bolas is incapable of gaining VC’s assistance. RS is probably a 10-B in durability, and her combat ability stays at 9-C. Bolas is weaker than his historic high, but he is still an elder dragon. It’s safe to assume his combat ability ranks at High 8-C at best, but no lower than 9-B. Again, his claws could easily rend RS’s flesh and quickly end the fight.
Thank you for reading my
Wait. Do you hear that?
By God.
That’s Ugin’s music!
There is no fucking way either of these fights procede without Ugin’s intervention. In the prime ability fight, Ugin would have prepared for RS’s death with some resurrection bullshit, or he would have armed her with magical defenses and anti-Bolas brass knuckles. Ugin would probably set up the same ambush that Umezawa set for Bolas in Madara pre-resurrection, allowing RS to fight Bolas in the physical world, where he could not retaliate, and in the spirit realm, where the fight may continue for some time. In this scenario, RS’s logistics skills could prove fruitful if destroying the elder dragon’s body involved crushing him with TVs or dishwershers. The presence of VC somewhere in the melee would prevent RS from losing on the spirit plane, since her hatred for him creates the tension within her mortal coil. In the current power fight, Ugin is definitely manipulating the Meditation Plane to slow down and impede his brother’s movements, while using the same tactics to multiply the force of RS’s blows. If she dies in the fight, then Ugin does some Meditation Plane bullshittery to bring her back to life, probably with a planeswalker spark. There is a metaphysical weapon available to RS too, which Ugin would inform her of: since the multiverse believes that Nicol Bolas is dead, he does not have the mystique granted to him by belief in him or fear of his return. Bolas is an elder dragon, yes, but he is only that. Ugin’s machinations have rendered Bolas a mere dragon in the imagination, making him significantly easier to defeat in a one-on-one fight. In both scenarios, RS wins the fist fight. She cannot lose. While her victories are not entirely up to her ability, it is impossible to ignore Ugin’s innate ability to disrupt and hinder his brother at all possible points.
They are twins; they hatched together, fought together, and schemed together. It is a multiversal law that any conflict involving one must involve the other.
Citations
fuck you its all on the MTG fandom and the VS Battles fandom